Shut the Hell Up and Do Your Work, You Spoiled Nincompoops

Tristan Axelrod


I have a problem with you, the Middlebury student body. Far too many of you are insufferable whiners with no integrity, and I am sick of listening to your crap while you devalue my college experience and belittle the opportunities offered by this amazing institution.

First off, stop asking for extensions on every assignment. There are only four reasons why extensions should be granted: the professor didn’t grant enough time, or didn’t explain the assignment properly, or the student had an illness, or a family emergency occurred. There are no other valid reasons: if you have two weeks to write a paper and are suddenly too hung over to write the paper on Sunday afternoon 12 hours before it’s due, it is your own damn fault. The same goes for tests: when the time limit is up, you’re done. You shouldn’t get to sit for an extra 15 minutes that weren’t granted to you. And why not? Because there’s something called a grading system: it’s a sort of ranking/appraisal thingy that theoretically rewards people who complete their work according to the established guidelines. When some people actually follow the guidelines, they should be rewarded, and when other people don’t, they should be punished, all according to the system, because that’s why it exists.

It’s like government: I’m not advocating a totalitarian university dominated by professors, but rather the compassionately meritocratic oligarchy that Middlebury claims to be. If you would like to take part in such a society, then you should have the integrity to accept the consequences put forth by professors if you can’t handle the workload you’ve taken upon yourself. Or maybe you prefer to be coddled: it’s your choice, but at least be honest about it, and don’t pretend you have a right to be excepted from the rules. You chose your courses, clubs, sports, and God knows, your drinking habits, so if you just can’t do it all and get all A’s, you have to accept it.

Speaking of drinking habits, if you aren’t 21 years old, drinking alcohol is illegal. As in, you have no right to do it. Is that unjust? Probably, yes. So what do you do if a law is unjust? You protest, speak out, and attempt to enlighten and engage the political community in any way possible. If you don’t care enough to stand up and do what’s right, you have to deal with the reality of the law. I shouldn’t have to remind you that most communities are not as insulated as Middlebury College; only a very fragile and nonsensical tradition of non-interference stands between us and open patrols by the Middlebury Police Department. The same goes for marijuana—take a look at the average prison sentence for marijuana possession and distribution for minorities vs. whites, and check out the economic distribution as well. We live in a veritable Bacchanalian paradise of legal immunity, so stop whining about the liquor inspector.

On a related note, there would be hardly any problems with MCPS, MPD, or the liquor inspector if people didn’t find it necessary to get ridiculously drunk in order to have a good time. Here’s a tip: if you like the people around you, alcohol is never necessary. If you need to get trashed so that you can feel confident dancing, talking, or having sex, it’s a sign of deep-seated emotional problems. And do you really think things will ever get better by continuing to abuse your body this way? My biggest point is this: if you destroy property or damage people physically or emotionally while inebriated, you are a piece of garbage.

I’m not saying it’s wrong to need or request an extension, complain about the liquor inspector, or drink heavily. There are obviously appropriate times and places for each. The issue here is integrity: people need to take responsibility for their actions and accept the consequences. Relative to the ‘real world’ outside of our waspy, upper class, ivory tower communities and backgrounds, this is a pretty much unparalleled utopia— a bastion of intellectual and legal leniency, liberalism, and instant gratification. For some reason, you as a Middlebury student have been given these four years here, and will be further rewarded by the institution with political and economic connections and opportunities throughout your life. All I’m saying is, stop acting like you were born deserving it, and at least pretend that you’re worth it.

17 Responses to “Shut the Hell Up and Do Your Work, You Spoiled Nincompoops”

  1. 1 Nicole December 25, 2007 at 10:37 pm

    I don’t agree with a lot of what you write, but this is right on.

  2. 2 dave salty April 30, 2008 at 3:48 pm

    i agree so much. frat culture will be the end of life as we know it. just watch the section of Borat when he is in the RV. just think about it, its not just Middlebury its every college everywhere. this is the future of our nation.

  3. 3 Sam May 7, 2008 at 10:57 pm

    This is not the just the future, it is also the past and the present. Humans have been drinking for a long time not for the sole sake of social lubricant, but because of our nervous system’s reward response to depressants like alcohol. Take a neurology class and then go to actually try to have fun at a party, you Xenia loser.

  4. 4 Dong July 30, 2008 at 6:39 pm

    Tristan is a really fucking gay name. I would rather get wasted with my best friends than with strangers, so that point is wrong. Getting fucked up is really fucking cool and a lot of fun, so stop hating and go back to painting your lord of the rings figurines

  5. 5 Andrew August 3, 2008 at 2:38 am

    I really have no idea how I ended up on this site, I think it was an unfortunate case of stumble upon picking up the word frat on this page. I have never been to middlebury, but I go to the number 2 Greek school in the nation according to the Princeton Review, and our greek students our as the article states “leaders in the classroom, and in extra curriculars”, but I’m sorry that you obviously were picked on by some frat star who got laid more times than you ever– well scratch that, he just got laid in the first place.

    Alcohol is a perfectly acceptable social drug, take a sociology class before you start to comment on why people drink in social settings. Secondly, don’t hate on an entire group of people and say they are whats wrong with this nation. You don’t know every Greek member in this country. Half these “idiots” your talking about will grow up to become some of the worlds leaders (e.g. Presidents, CEOs, and Congressman) I know that our fraternity personally boasts several army Admirals, The CEOs of HP and 3M and Ted Turner for christs sake.

    Quit trying to sound so intelligent while making a STEROTYPE, quite possibly one of the most ignorant things to do.

  6. 6 Tristan August 3, 2008 at 7:53 pm

    Where in this article does it say anything about ‘Greek Life’? If you know how to read, try this one again…it’s about whining and a sense of entitlement found in the student body of Middlebury College, and how alcohol is used as an excuse for irresponsibility. Get a life.

  7. 7 Daniel Roberts August 5, 2008 at 5:48 pm

    Well, Tristan, looks like you’ve done it again (that’s a compliment).

    I won’t “side” with either you and your indictment of the entitled kids at our college, nor will I “side” with these zealous frat-defenders just yet… but I’ll just say that you know my philosophy (though as I’ve written, I don’t think this makes the Tire Sculpture good): if you’re getting people talking/arguing/angry/interested, you’ve done something right.

    Job well done, mister college grad.

  8. 8 Sarah F. August 11, 2008 at 8:07 pm

    If “FUCK YOU,” “Xenia loser,” “Tristan is a really fucking gay name,” and mentally inventing content that simply isn’t there is the best you can do, you only serve to further prove Tristan’s point.

  9. 9 University of Southern Mississippi Robert's Hall August 24, 2008 at 9:08 am

    Just left a frat party. It’s a Saturday night, and there is no class tomorrow. No assignments are due tomorrow. Also, drinking is a choice everyone makes. Just going to a party doesn’t mean you have to drink, there were people there not drinking. You should make a point against everyone that dicks off instead of studying, whether it is through the fraternity culture or video games, or blogging for that matter, everyone has something they’d rather be doing that studying.

    Your arguement is a good one, people should study more, yes, but it’s not your place to decide who gets extensions on their work and who doesn’t, unless you’re a professor. I’m assuming you aren’t, since you’re complaining about that matter.

    My arguement is that people should spend more time studying instead of asking for extra time to do work they should’ve done instead of partying, gaming, fucking, or whatever else college students want to do.


  10. 10 Kermit August 28, 2008 at 11:38 pm


    yeah, let’s discuss your spelling of the word argument. Hahaha

  11. 11 Martin September 13, 2008 at 9:57 pm

    This piece does not constitute a debate nor even a proposition. This happens to be the first “essay” I read after navigating here from Facebook and I certainly hope that it does not typify the content.

  12. 12 A.L. October 27, 2008 at 11:52 am

    Andrew, you might want to check your facts. There is no way your frat has alums who are “Army Admirals”. Do you know how I know that? The U.S. Army does not have admirals. Admirals are a rank in the NAVY.

  13. 13 Manuel January 18, 2009 at 10:08 am

    this must have been written my someone who didn’t get laid very often or at all at college.

    Dude get a life and stop caring too much about the others.

  14. 14 HPUsnoman April 15, 2009 at 3:12 am

    But the grading system all together is flawed, some people don’t do well in traditional grading and academic environments. So don’t be sucha hard liner and commit to saying if you can’t take a written test in 20 minutes, it means you’re a failure at life! That’s completely ignorant. Besides, We can’t help it that you want to be a part of something greater than yourself, and you get jealous at the fact that your “academic lessers” have what you so greatly desire!

    Frat Hard

  15. 15 PANTHUZ December 7, 2009 at 5:37 am

    You must stop living inside a box where your consciousness is trapped in darkess laden with ignorance for a world that is just teeming with endless and relative possibility. Our sould conduct our characters at a different pace because our physical selves allow our sould a view into this physical realm, but our souls interpret these imagages differently. This is the definition of character. Break down the inhibitions within your belief system and discover new possibilities. Lift your chin and look down upon those who do not accept others for being. Do not be one of those who will judge a book by its cover and not a man by his soul.

  16. 16 Virgie McClelland January 31, 2017 at 10:00 pm

    Hmm it seems like your website ate my first comment (it was super long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I wrote and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog. I too am an aspiring blog writer but I’m still new to everything. Do you have any helpful hints for novice blog writers? I’d really appreciate it.

  17. 17 Francisco Seward February 25, 2017 at 10:45 pm

    Please be aware completely on line students do not have free access to FIU’s on-campus resources including: computer labs, sports, leisure facilities, parking, etc.

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